We’re sure everyone who joined Flourish Australia’s free webinar for International Women’s Day on March 5 felt moved to #Accelerate Action by Guest Speaker Rosie Batty’s moving story of mustering the courage to speak out and make a difference, in the midst of unimaginable grief.
Flourish Australia COO Susan McCarthy opened by inviting us to imagine a world where gender equality is a reality and difference is celebrated, and do our part to rewrite the narrative.
A heartfelt Welcome to Country was offered by Aunty Donna Ingram who said we must never forget the sacrifices of women who’ve fought for the justice and equity we some times take for granted today.
People with lived experience were represented by Community Advisory Council Chair Karen Jurss who acknowledged that it is so often women in the trenches, talking about their experiences to accelerate action toward a better future for others that they struggle to even imagine for themselves.
Our inspirational Guest Speaker Rosie Batty started by saying that family violence can happen to anyone, “no matter how nice their house is or how intelligent they are.” Courageously using her voice to bring the truth of family violence out from the shadows into the light began the day after her 11 year old sun Luke was tragically murdered by his own father.
“Unless you’re affected, you don’t know how much of a problem it is,” Rosie said, sharing that one in 4 children and one woman lose their lives each week to family violence. “I’m dedicated to exposing the issue and ensuring victims and survivors receive the respect, support and safety they deserve.”
Unprepared for finding herself catapulted into rooms addressing thousands of people on the subject, advocating with Prime Ministers and others in positions of influence, Rosie made a choice to channel her pain and emotions into accelerating action to bring about change.
“It’s an unrelenting journey,” Rosie said. “To this day I struggle with the reality that someone could hold such anger to commit such an atrocious act. It’s something I’ve had to live with. Noone can tell you how to be, how to react or what to do. A lot of us don’t know what grief is, how to communicate, how to support.”
In Rosie’s experience, the long and painful isolation of grief is made bearable with the support of family, solid friendships and sometimes the help of professionals, “whose expertise brought me through some very difficult, dark times,” she said. Many strangers have warmly embraced her and shown such respect and kindness and generosity that she managed to feel fortunate in the most unfortunate of situations. “I couldn’t have survived without those human connections,” Rosie said. “When I lost Luke, I lost my connection to my community. I was no longer the Mum packing school lunches or rushing to school pick up, worrying how much time he was spending on the gaming console. I had to rebuild.”
Advocating for family violence has given Rosie meaning, purpose and a reason to get up each day and move forward. “I’ve met people from all walks of life who are passionately committed to this cause,” she said. “A more gender equal world is one where violence against women and children is less likely to occur.”
Though Rosie says the statistics of women and children impacted by family violence haven’t budged, she believes her willingness to speak out has helped change the conversation. “It brings that dirty little secret behind closed doors out into the open. It’s now discussed around boardroom tables creating the expectation that our leaders must act.”
Challenging misconceptions about the issue, Rosie explained that there are many huge barriers that prevent women experiencing family violence from leaving. “They may want the violence to stop, not break up their family, they may have nowhere to go. Many are murdered when they take action to leave. Others have no option but to go back for financial reasons.”
Rosie says as many as 240 families in Victoria alone find themselves staying in motels because there is no room in refuges for them. “For violence to seem like a more manageable alternative than being homeless is not a choice anyone should have to make.”
When people are curious about how Rosie is doing now, whether she has recovered, or how she gets up everyday, she shares how her journey has given hope to many. “I realise my survival and recovery inspires others to push forward through whatever pain and barrier they are facing. I tell them that my life without Luke was unimaginable, yet here I am!”
The animals she keeps on her small farm have been a saving grace for Rosie. “They can never replace Luke but dogs are loyal companions who make me laugh. Caring for them gave me reason to get up and walk in the early days which was a huge part of my recovery.”
The full extent of the trauma hit home for Rosie some months after the tragedy. “That day I spoke out to the media I was in shock,” she reflects. “At one point in time I was juggling trauma, PTST, heightened anxiety and grief. It was less than a year after losing Luke, I was given this astonishing Award of Australian of the Year 2015 and a public platform with no training and very little support.”
Sharing her story shocks people into action. “It lets them know how urgent this issue is, and they just know each one of us has a responsibility to do something!” Rosie says.
While there is still much work to do, Rosie says the ripple effect has been encouraging. “We have respectful relationships in many schools in Victoria now. Young people are so critically important to addressing this issue. Systemic responses are improving and victims who received little or no support generations ago are responded to in a safer way thanks to training for Police.”
Rosie is motivated by hearing good stories of people leaving abusive relationships to make a new path for themselves. “No matter how tough my own journey has been, I am always thankful for the many things I have that others don’t. I sometimes sit with the pain of my grief to understand how to move forward in ways that are uniquely my own,” she said.
After five fast paced years of advocacy, a decline in Rosie’s physical wellbeing forced her to stop. “I could see my pain was hurting those around me and had to take accountability,” she says. “I couldn’t use it as an excuse. I have to accept my limitations and I’ve found ways to fill my cup and maintain a pretty good balance these days.”
For Rosie, the simple joy of walking with friends has been a turning point. “Each walk has helped me further along my recovery journey. I’d trekked Nepal before I had Luke and wanted to do it again. I’ve done a coast to coast walk in the UK, the country of my birth, where the camaraderie of good people helped me find my way back to being the person I liked to be.”
Rebuilding relationships with business clients has also been healing for Rosie who values financial security and has returned to a corporate marketing role. “I feel very fortunate this is something else I’m able to manage now,” she says.
Finding strategies that work for her to manage her anxiety and mental health has meant it doesn’t hold her back as it once did. “It’s always going to be part of me. I can’t see myself ever totally shaking it, so I accept that there’s only so much I can do and I can’t carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.”
Rosie has found strength through her vulnerability. “I’ve been honest and open. Some judge me and that’s something I can live with. They don’t understand why I’m driven to make the decisions I do but it’s clear to me I have to keep going and can’t give up. I lost my Mum suddenly when I was six and I think surviving the shock of that somehow equipped me to know I would somehow find a way to get through this.”
The experience has made Rosie more compassionate. “I like to think I’m a good friend and that others who are struggling or wondering what the point of life is can take something from my story. Knowing we’re part of a movement aiming for the same thing inspires us to accelerate action.”
Hundreds of questions were put to Rosie by participants with many asking what she believes most needs immediate action.
“As women we tend to suffer from imposter syndrome and it saddens me to see how making the decision to be a full time Mum can lead to desperation in later life when relationship breakdown leaves you in dire straits financially,” Rosie said. “We need to keep pushing for change that prevents financial abuse which is used to control, manipulate and dominate in abusive, controlling relationships.”
In closing, Flourish Australia CEO Mark Orr thanked Rosie for sharing her powerful insights and encouraged men to take action in their own circles to model non-violence and stand up against damaging words. “This is personal for Flourish Australia and the families we walk alongside in our Women and Children’s Program. We must do better to support people in such situations.”
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