Jess - Little man, my reason to get going each day

Having my son to care for helped me to stay grounded on my recovery journey by giving me someone to focus all my attention and affection on. He’s my motivation to get up in the morning and keep moving forward.

Before becoming a Mum I struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time and suffered one failed relationship after another. My son who is my little blessing and saviour experiences severe separation anxiety of his own which means I can’t be out of sight for more than a couple of minutes or he screams to the point of hyperventilation.

I tried putting him in a cot with toys but he can’t self soothe and his screams trigger my symptoms which saw me struggling more and more until I accepted I simply can’t do this all on my own. Stubborn, like my grandmother, who raised me and was hands-down my greatest support, I don’t like to admit I need help but I’m so glad I reached out to Flourish Australia’s Women and Children’s Program which has really taken the pressure off.

Though I have a strong support network of close friends, they can’t be expected to be here for me every minute of the day and my Dad is remarried with kids of his own and busy with his career. Living in a secure villa here with Flourish Australia we’re supported 24/7 and connecting with the other Mums keeps me from sitting alone with my thoughts.

The team are supporting me to reconnect with my emotions in a healthier way which is strengthening my bond with my son. My deep fear of being vulnerable enough with anyone to let my walls down has held me back from having healthy relationships, even with my own child.

When thoughts come of not being good enough I now remind myself I’m NOT failing as a Mum, and I’m reassured of doing a great job. I’m just fine with being a single mum and don’t feel the need to co-parent or be told how to raise my kid. I’m learning better ways to parent than I experienced in my own childhood, when I got a smacked bottom if I misbehaved.

I know my grandmother would be proud of me if she was still with us and I’ve set myself a goal of getting back into the workforce now that I’m settling my son into daycare which he loves! My grandfather always pushed me to go after my dreams and once offered to buy me a small town café I would have loved to run, but hadn’t felt ready at the time. It’s important to me that I achieve things on my own merit and model that for my son.

It’s been an uphill battle for us, my older sister always struggled with disabilities which she took out on me a lot and I felt my family failed me because they were so focused on her needs, but I won’t allow hardship or the mistakes of others to determine my family’s future.

I have hope for our future and my advice to Mums struggling with their mental health is to NOT hide it but reach out for support. For us it’s been a life saver!